I found no thrill, on hormone-y hill...

Eight weeks and counting since I have been enjoying non-fertile living thanks to my Mirena- a hormone-releasing IUD which, when used properly, can provide up to five years of safe and effective birth control (a Berlex product) [note: read last half of sentence a la commercial voice over guy]

Flashback to early March when I was complaining to my new primary care doc about my frustrations with my current birth control. Considerably squeamish about the whole topic, he referred me to the OB/GYN department at Renowned Local Hospital and suggested that I explore my options further with them. (He also suggested that I get my breast exam at said hospital, allowing himself to completely avoid any dealings with my hooha and/or ninnies.) And so, I eventually went to Renowned Local Hospital, found out about the latest and greatest in birth control, and opted to have a Mirena IUD inserted.

First impressions: OWWWW!! Let's just say that any situation involving a clamp being put on my hooha (thankfully, there have been few in my life) is one that I consider painful. The head doctor in the room also insisted on trying to make small talk with me during the process. Was this meant to be a pleasant distraction? I did not find it so. It merely pointed out the difficulty of explaining one's career choices when searing crotch pain causes you to yelp mid sentence: "Yeah, I've worked at the agency [AH!!] for about five years. The work is very [OH CHRIST!!] fulfilling [OW! SHIT!]" Happily, the pain subsided quickly once the little sucker was in place and I was on my way...to what I wasn't sure.

I had read a lot about side effects and various women's experiences with this new fangled device. Weight gain, sore ninnies, headaches, nausea, blah diddy blah. It all seemed like the standard stuff I read with any birth control. (Sad fact, in my case I always hope that this time I'll be one of the people whose breasts get bigger...) My reality is that many more of these side effects have come into play with the Mirena than with any other previous birth control. Ninnies- still quite small, but good lord have they suffered with pain on occasion (this was mostly an experience early on and has thankfully subsided ). On another pain note, my first pre-menstrual experience post-Mirena was one marked by blindingly sharp cramps and hot flashes. This experience unfortunately coincided with my sister, brother-in-law and two young nephew's visit from New York: "Don't mind Auntie, she's just in the corner of her bedroom, lying in the fetal position, sweating profusely, and cursing out god...she's gonna be fine."

Fast forward to now (8 weeks post insertion) and you will find me struggling with the acne of my teenage years, some extra bloat around the belly region, periodic heat waves (yes, it's been a hot summer, so it's hard to tell what's what sometimes), and continuous bleeding. My sources tell me that this is all completely normal and that in one to two months time, I am going to LOVE LOVE LOVE this birth control and shout its virtues from the rooftops. So, I try to stay strong, have a sense of humor and look toward a brighter future. Stay tuned for future developments and pray with me that Midol can stay at least one step ahead of what Mirena has in store for my womb.